Tasteless Jokes

Post funny stuff.
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C2PO
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Tasteless Jokes

Post by C2PO »

I know some of you have to have some stored in your brain.
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Now that's the tastiest crunch I ever hoid.

tens0r
Posts: 1996
Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 7:52 pm
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Location: I'm a god.

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by tens0r »

Trk is a chink!


Chink is not a chink at all.




Irony?
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Sakke
Posts: 681
Joined: Tue May 26, 2009 1:28 am
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Location: Denmark

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by Sakke »

I'd just be stealing them off of somethinleet forums. Oh well here goes:

70 Ways To Tell You've Been Online Too Long


1. jan Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL".

3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to
your significant other.

5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-
face.

8. You have to get a 2d phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

9. You go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone
know you're going to be away.

10. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.

11. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or
complete sentences.

12. You have met over 100 AOLers.

13. You begin to say "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.

14. When someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"

15. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the
night when your spouse is asleep.

16. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won't know
you're on-line again.

17. You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do
your own spouses.

18. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they
complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.

19. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to
your own.

20. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from
partying too much than the truth (online all night).

21. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your
own profile to see who you are.

22. Your kids are standing at your side saying, "Mommy, please come and
cook" dinner and you would rather type another "LOL".

23. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at
the same time.

24. You won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved.

25. Your dog leaves you.

26. You have to ask what year it is.

27. You write a letter like this.. "dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well I gotta
go bbl!"

28. You name your pets after people you talk to.

29. You smile sideways...

30. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on
their buddy list.

31. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore
button handy.

32. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.

33. Your significant other kisses your neck while you're chatting & you
think "uh oh cyber sex perv".

34. You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more
than a few hours.

35. You yews AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one he he he).

36. You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.

37. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.

38. Your worse comeback to a bully is "I'll slap ya w/a rubber chicken!"

39. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online
before you have your first cup of coffee.

40. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.

41. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL's welcome
screen.

42. You don't know where the time has gone.

43. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by
hand.

44. You get up at 2am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer
instead.

45. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo.

46. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/((hugs)) or **kisses**.

47. You stop typing whole words and yews things like ppl, dunno and
lemme.

48. Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n &
I will TTYL".

49. You type faster than you think.

50. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing
therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.

51. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.

52. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.

53. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up
your TV screen at the end of a movie.

54. People say, "If it weren't for your super reflexes in your eyes &
fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!"

55. You dream in "text".

56. Being called a Newbie is a "MAJOR" insult.

57. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you're really
bored.

58. You don't want to leave in case you miss something.

59. You double click your TV remote.

60. You can now type over 70wpm.

61. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.

62. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else &
say "BRB" or "BBL".

63. You check your Email and forget you have real mail aka snail mail.

64. You go into withdrawals during dinner.

65. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to
everyone in a room.

66. You stop speaking in full sentences.

67. You have gone into an unstaffed jan Support room & ended
up "giving" jan support to other AOLers.

68. You have to be pried from your computer by the "Jaws of Life".

69. You know what a "snert" is.

70. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted
to check your mail" & while there you "just wanted to see who was
online".
Image
Bob: The Danes aren't a major world power, don't particularly hate us to the extent of suicide bombers, and provide no major benefit; therefore we don't pay them much attention.
Kerafym: Did Yoda just try to make fun of my grammar?
wat?

tens0r
Posts: 1996
Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 7:52 pm
Reputation: -88
Location: I'm a god.

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by tens0r »

Sakke is a nerd.


Not a joke...
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User avatar
Sakke
Posts: 681
Joined: Tue May 26, 2009 1:28 am
Reputation: -168
Location: Denmark

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by Sakke »

Nah, it's the truth.
Image
Bob: The Danes aren't a major world power, don't particularly hate us to the extent of suicide bombers, and provide no major benefit; therefore we don't pay them much attention.
Kerafym: Did Yoda just try to make fun of my grammar?
wat?

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Lauren
Posts: 140
Joined: Fri May 29, 2009 5:22 am
Reputation: -64
Location: At tensor's pimp palace!

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by Lauren »

SOME OF THESE ARE RACISTS/SEXIST SO DO NOT TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY THEY ARE JOKES READ THEM AT YOUR OWN RISK!

I got a few jokes they might suck but they are jokes! no matter what you think:

1. I had a German plumber in the other day. He accidentally connected the gas supply to the shower. I guess old habits die hard...

2. This fella fancies a girl in his office but she has a boyfriend. He approaches her anyway & offers her £1000 if she'll have sex with him. "I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down & I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." the girl consults her boyfriend. He advises her to go for it & pick it up real fast, he won't have a chance! An hour later he calls her & asks what's going on. "I can hardly FUCKING WALK!" she replys "The BASTARD USED POUND COINS!"

3. Madonna has said she is saddened to hear of peter andre and jordans marriage break up. She also wants first refusal on the blind wookiee if neither of them want it.

4. Dear jeremy kyle, i am 15 & pregnant & my parents don't know. They havn't met my boyfriend. He is bisexual & HIV positive & he has tourettes. He is married & is 20 years older than me. He deals drugs & carries a gun. He lives in a squat & is just out of jail & he likes animal porn. My problem is, how do i tell my parents that he is a paki?

5. After it was announced Katie price and Peter andre are to seperate KAtie said she would miss the family holidays they shared, the tv specials they made, and the companionship. Peter said he would miss the titwanks and watching the fat cod eyed coon walk into the wall.

6. British rail are at it again. I was on the station when they said, don't stand near the edge you will get sucked off. Four fucking hours i waited there. (obvious not me...)

7. Can you spare just £2? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in pakistn. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just £2, we will send you the video - it's fucking hilarious.

8. A man shagging his new girlfriend, notices a photo of another man on her bedside table. He asks is that your ex hubby? No she replies. Well is it an old boyfriend? No, silly, she say's. Dad or brother? No, No she answers. WELL WHO THE FUCK IS IT THEN? He demands. She replied.... It's me 6 months ago.

9. 3 sisters. Ann, Jan & Fanny - all have very big feet, Ann has size 8, Jan size 9 and fanny size 10. Ann & Jan go on a double date, 1 of the boys says "Jesus you both have very big feet!" Ann replys "You should see our fanny's, they're huge!"

10. A bloke from barnsley was teaching his son how to wank. The kid says "this is great fun dad" The dad says "Yes & when you get to 13 you can yews your own cock".
*loved people*
<33 Sakke <33 He's my lover
<3 tensor <3 I'm His Hoe
<3 guard <3

*weird people*
......Afro...... He's just random alot!

*Hated people*
Turkey
Duo Cry's too much
Kera Cry's even more than Duo...

tens0r
Posts: 1996
Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 7:52 pm
Reputation: -88
Location: I'm a god.

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by tens0r »

Chinks have small penises!


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
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Sakke
Posts: 681
Joined: Tue May 26, 2009 1:28 am
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Location: Denmark

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by Sakke »

"6. British rail are at it again. I was on the station when they said, don't stand near the edge you will get sucked off. Four fucking hours i waited there."
Obvious blonde. You really are. ;D
Image
Bob: The Danes aren't a major world power, don't particularly hate us to the extent of suicide bombers, and provide no major benefit; therefore we don't pay them much attention.
Kerafym: Did Yoda just try to make fun of my grammar?
wat?

User avatar
Lauren
Posts: 140
Joined: Fri May 29, 2009 5:22 am
Reputation: -64
Location: At tensor's pimp palace!

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by Lauren »

Do you even get the joke?
*loved people*
<33 Sakke <33 He's my lover
<3 tensor <3 I'm His Hoe
<3 guard <3

*weird people*
......Afro...... He's just random alot!

*Hated people*
Turkey
Duo Cry's too much
Kera Cry's even more than Duo...

Darth_Wayne
kera and sfail's fiend
Posts: 898
Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 5:11 pm
Reputation: -73
Location: In the projects with Puff, the Magic Dragon

Re: Tasteless Jokes

Post by Darth_Wayne »

Knock knock.

Who's there?

It's the police. There's been a terrible accident. Your husband is dead.
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