Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Tell us your story. Tensor likes reading these.
omni2
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Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by omni2 »

The story of siege begins in the summer of 1997 in Australia where a confused young man named Turkey was sucking his first dick. Several years later, reborn boss Academy was released.

I started playing JA in the fall of 2005. I played on the UJ server because unlike the game at large, it wasn't dead yet. Somewhere in there I applied to UJ. During their absurd recruitment period, I met Unholy Alliance. The sudden surge in global bromance levels puzzles scientists to this day**. Then on some arbitrary day for no obvious reason, I was accepted to UJ. A few days later Guardian messaged me and asked if I wanted to scrim against TD. I had never heard of them and they sounded shitty, so I agreed.

As was the norm, UJ got steamrolled. However, UA (playing for TD) took this awesome screenshot showing that I was demonstrably better than rest of the UJ team. As what i like to consider a direct result, the next day I got an IM from Saint^AchilleZ asking if I wanted to practice with TD. They basically started grooming me from the first week I was in UJ. Hawk taught me how to play demo (it's just like snowtrooper, only not for retards) and Saint^AchilleZ taught me how to pullthrow.

Then I was in TD, and then TD died. Saint^AchilleZ and Killian joined RCB (then SPJ, I think) under aliases, and what is to this day some of the funniest internet drama I've ever witnessed unfolded. A lot of 13-year olds got really really butthurt and TD came back. Those were the golden days. Excluding Jawa (and Skittles on maps that didn't have a saber-type reborn boss) I'm hard pressed to think of any non-Euros playing at that time who weren't in TD and were as good as anyone in TD. Dollar comes to mind, and cases could probably be made for a couple more Heroic players. As Saint^AchilleZ mentioned elsewhere on this forum we pioneered just about every good strategy and known glitch that was being used at the time I quit. We also had the most gifted forum spammer in the Siege community: jon_smokin_blunts (AKA jon_slappin_bitches, jon_pimpin_hos).

During that period, I made a terrible terrible decision that catalyzed the downfall of Siege. When Tensor started playing Siege seriously, I thought he might end up being decent and so I invited him to apply to TD. We didn't have a real application procedure and we wanted to come to a decision quickly, so we pulled something awful out of our asses. Jawa and Tensor engaged in to the best of my knowledge the first modern Siege 1v1. It was pretty funny to watch at the time. Tensor demonstrated a mastery of the /kill bind that we had yet to see from anyone, and we laughed our asses off in TS (why did we yews this god awful piece of software instead of Ventrilo?) However, it had two dire unintended consequences. First, it started the trend that made people believe 1v1 and 2v2 were legitimate gameplay. Second, it made Tensor think he was good at Siege. I'm deeply deeply sorry for the damage I've wrought on this game as a result of my actions.

Sometime in late winter - early spring, I left TD for some reason. I really don't even remember what happened all that clearly. I nerdraged a lot and in retrospect it was kind of sad, though not as sad as how goddamned funny the rest of you found it. Guardian asked me if I wanted in on a new clan him and Tensor were starting, and I said ok. The starting roster was pretty pitiful: me, Guardian, Tensor, Turkey (faggot) and some guy from UJ named Morphling (who was actually pretty cool). (SIDE NOTE: No player named Ghostbob has ever actually existed. He's just a myth we made up to laugh when new players pretended to be old-school by claiming to know him. Hence the name GHOSTbob. Why do you dumb faggots continue to believe this?) So on my own initiative, I got Jawa, Chew and Robiwan involved with the fledgling GT. In other words, I personally accounted for two thirds of the talent on the roster (Turkey doesn't even nearly count), though I'm sure Tensor has erased that fact from the history books. On the other hand, I'm more than willing to take the credit for inciting you guys to disband the original clan.

That was pretty much the end of JA relevancy for me. Jawa and I made up lots of tags, 2v2'd lots of BOMBs, and destroyed lots of games. DarkFire Yagami pretended to be a girl on siege forums and posted using the name Sabrial. That's not really relevant to my story, just fucking hilarious. I started playing WoW full-time, and Dollar and Kerafym followed. Much like Sam to Frodo though without the redeeming qualities and much MUCH worse at Starcraft, Kerafym still follows me today. It was a wild fucking trip, and I really can't imagine a better yews for my junior year of high school (yea, I only played this game for like nine months).

TURKEY IS A FAG.

THE END.

**YEW EH IF YOU'RE OUT THERE E-MAIL ME OR IM ME OR SOMETHING ILU AND I MISS YOU I CAME ACROSS SOME RECORDINGS FROM YOUR BAND THE OTHER DAY GOING THROUGH MY HARD DRIVE

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Magyk
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by Magyk »

I only skimmed this, but the Ghost Bob side note was a pretty good mind fuck, especially since I just finished watching Shutter Island. Unfortunately for you, I know GB from years ago in reborn boss Knight 2, and unless that myth carried over between games I can confirm he is a real dood. (Really just saying this so no one gets confused.)

Funny memories with the Dark Fire Yagami / Sabrial fiasco, that was actually pretty hilarious.

If playing a video game is the best thing you did with your junior year of high school, you A.) Are way too good at following rules. B.) Have no friends. C.) Are a little bit sad.

*Waits patiently for Tensor to post his Omni Picture*
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ishowernekked
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by ishowernekked »

As I recall, RCB came to be when SPJ's Siege crew got tired of the FFA crew's retarded FFA rules on how to operate a clan. Don't ask me how it changes a goddamn thing, clans mostly make no fucking sense to me, but that was the explanation I was given by former SPJers turned RCB members (specifically MajorMajor and Tom, IIRC).

Omni, wasn't there a point in time when Jawa and yourself infiltrated RCB, after Guardian made it explicitly clear how fucking easy it was to do? Fact: give any weak clan the opportunity to not get massively butt-raped in clan matches and they'll take it, even if it means a member of the clan they're playing against has to alias and jump through fiery hoops to try and not get caught.
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ishowernekked
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by ishowernekked »

As I recall, RCB came to be when SPJ's Siege crew got tired of the FFA crew's retarded FFA rules on how to operate a clan. Don't ask me how it changes a goddamn thing, clans mostly make no fucking sense to me, but that was the explanation I was given by former SPJers turned RCB members (specifically MajorMajor and Tom, IIRC).

Omni, wasn't there a point in time when Jawa and yourself infiltrated RCB, after Guardian made it explicitly clear how fucking easy it was to do? Fact: give any weak clan the opportunity to not get massively butt-raped in clan matches and they'll take it, even if it means a member of the clan they're playing against has to alias and jump through fiery hoops to try and not get caught.
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Flyer
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by Flyer »

HAHAHA omni still has a good sense of humor

for people who didn't know omni, he was the reject of TD accepted out of sheer hilarity, after posting the most desperate siege applecation in the history of siege desperation ("guys i'll try really hard to get good just give me a chance please please please i'll suck your dicks dry")

he never actually got good at the game, and its a wonder he managed to figure out how to switch from mine to thermal

curse, jawa, guard, tensor, me, fuck even ghostbob, we all rape the shit out of you omni, and always have. i wonder if you suck at wow as much as you did jka

can't wait to see the picture tensor has of him creeping on that girl
Last edited by Flyer on Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Magyk
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by Magyk »

Flyer wrote:can't wait to see the picture tensor has of him creeping on that girl


Holy shit, we have something in common.
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GhostBob
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by GhostBob »

I think therefore I am. :shock:

Guard and I played JK2 to move up the ranks in UJ after we were already siegers. That's just how the politics worked. There were still a lot of fun times FFAing and generally causing havoc in JK2 though.

As a side note, apparently there's some dude who plays on Tempest now who has decided to steal my name. :lol:

Pretty sure I have that photo...

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Turquoise Dragon
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by Turquoise Dragon »

Yeah, saw him the other day. Was using a two part white name. First started with an F, I believe.
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GhostBob
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

Post by GhostBob »

Turquoise Dragon wrote:Yeah, saw him the other day. Was using a two part white name. First started with an F, I believe.

I haven't seen an all white name, just Ghost Bob with a space because the bot already has the one part name.

Well, it's been about a month since I've done any real coding so I've cooked up a little something as an exercise that should take care of it. 8-)

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Magyk
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Re: Of Models and Bottles: The Omni Story

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