by Lauren on Fri May 29, 2009 12:46 pm
SOME OF THESE ARE RACISTS/SEXIST SO DO NOT TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY THEY ARE JOKES READ THEM AT YOUR OWN RISK!
I got a few jokes they might suck but they are jokes! no matter what you think:
1. I had a German plumber in the other day. He accidentally connected the gas supply to the shower. I guess old habits die hard...
2. This fella fancies a girl in his office but she has a boyfriend. He approaches her anyway & offers her £1000 if she'll have sex with him. "I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down & I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." the girl consults her boyfriend. He advises her to go for it & pick it up real fast, he won't have a chance! An hour later he calls her & asks what's going on. "I can hardly FUCKING WALK!" she replys "The BASTARD USED POUND COINS!"
3. Madonna has said she is saddened to hear of peter andre and jordans marriage break up. She also wants first refusal on the blind wookiee if neither of them want it.
4. Dear jeremy kyle, i am 15 & pregnant & my parents don't know. They havn't met my boyfriend. He is bisexual & HIV positive & he has tourettes. He is married & is 20 years older than me. He deals drugs & carries a gun. He lives in a squat & is just out of jail & he likes animal porn. My problem is, how do i tell my parents that he is a paki?
5. After it was announced Katie price and Peter andre are to seperate KAtie said she would miss the family holidays they shared, the tv specials they made, and the companionship. Peter said he would miss the titwanks and watching the fat cod eyed coon walk into the wall.
6. British rail are at it again. I was on the station when they said, don't stand near the edge you will get sucked off. Four fucking hours i waited there. (obvious not me...)
7. Can you spare just £2? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in pakistn. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just £2, we will send you the video - it's fucking hilarious.
8. A man shagging his new girlfriend, notices a photo of another man on her bedside table. He asks is that your ex hubby? No she replies. Well is it an old boyfriend? No, silly, she say's. Dad or brother? No, No she answers. WELL WHO THE FUCK IS IT THEN? He demands. She replied.... It's me 6 months ago.
9. 3 sisters. Ann, Jan & Fanny - all have very big feet, Ann has size 8, Jan size 9 and fanny size 10. Ann & Jan go on a double date, 1 of the boys says "Jesus you both have very big feet!" Ann replys "You should see our fanny's, they're huge!"
10. A bloke from barnsley was teaching his son how to wank. The kid says "this is great fun dad" The dad says "Yes & when you get to 13 you can yews your own cock".
*loved people*
<33 Sakke <33 He's my lover
<3 tensor <3 I'm His Hoe
<3 guard <3
*weird people*
......Afro...... He's just random alot!
*Hated people*
Turkey
Duo Cry's too much
Kera Cry's even more than Duo...